Many other child development experts also
share MacKenzie’s techniques and methods on parenting the
strong-willed child.
Alan Kazdin, Yale psychology professor and President of the
American Psychological Association, and Michelle Macias, professor
of pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina and
chairman of the American Academy of Pediatrics, suggest parent to
avoid harsh punishment, “reacting harshly or inconsistently to
misbehavior or …endlessly trying to reason with a child”, ensure a
child’s safety before ignoring his or her tantrum, and use
“specific, enthusiastic, and immediate” praises, and brief timeouts
or withdrawal of privileges.
Kazdin also recommends parents to reserve times for “practice
sessions and [repetitive] positive reinforcement” so that these
techniques “become the foundation for behavioral change” (qtd. in
Boodman 2008).
In addition, Joann Anderson, a
Certified Mental Health Counselor, in her article “Living with
Strong-Willed Children”, advocates parents to avoid “being buddy”
with strong-willed children, and limit and be selective in the
television programs watched by strong-willed children. It is unclear why Anderson
recommends parents not to befriend with the strong-willed
child. However, this
view is contrary to that of Forehand and Long whose advices is to
build a ‘friendship’ with the strong-willed child (157). According to these two
authors, befriending with the strong-willed child help parents to
establish an open and effective communication channel in which
parents can use to help the child with problem solving by “examining
alternatives with [the child]” (157). Moreover, they insist that
such friendship makes parents role models instead of others
(157). They also
reassure parents not to be afraid of losing authority over the
strong-willed child as these parents “are in a position to guide
[the child] toward sound decisions” (158).
Likewise, Denise J. Brandon, PhD,
University of Tennessee Extension Family & Consumer Sciences
offers more specific advices for parents to cope with the
strong-willed child.
She suggests parents to create laughter, use “I-statements”,
keep eye contact during conversation, and use the “When [the child
finishes a specified task]/Then [the child can do his/her own
thing]” rule.
Similarly, in the article “Managing
the Strong-Willed Child” of the Parenting Assisting Line (PAL) web
site of the University of Alabama, the authors’ recommendations for
parents with strong-willed children on parenting tips are extremely
similar to those of Forehand, Long, and MacKenzie. Parents should “act
more-talk less”, show the child what to expect and the consequences
when not complied, consistently follow through stated consequences,
be direct, use positive enforcement, and avoid “negative loop”
(“PAL”). This
negative loop is what MacKenzie calls a ‘family dance’ where parents
and the strong-willed child engage in situations that result in
repeating cycles of “escalating conflicts and power struggles”
(100).
