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Most experts agree that the
development of willfulness comes from the interaction between the
child’s misbehaviors and his or her parents discipline’s approach
(Forehand and Long 15; MacKenzie 20; Pickhardt 2005). These experts elaborate that
it is not entirely the parents’ faults for causing the misbehaviors;
it is just the parents’ natural response to a child’s
misbehaviors.
Because of constantly facing with frustrations of managing
the strong-willed child, parents tend to scream or use ineffective
parenting strategies.
As a result, the child’s behaviors deteriorate (Forehand and
Long 15).
Tralle maintains that the presence of
a strong-willed child in a family may disrupt the delicate balance
of the family. The
stress stemmed from assiduously dealing with challenging behaviors
exasperates the relationship of the parents to the child, the
relationship of the child to the other children, and the
relationship of the parents to each other (2007). The evidence that supports
this claim is from the careful study of Jimmy Meyers, a
Liberty
University (an
evangelical, accredited university) Doctoral Student. In his thesis project,
“Understanding the Influences of Parenting with Oppositional Defiant
Disorder on The Marital Relationship: a Phenomenological Study”,
submitted in 2006, he concludes that parents of the willful child
often experience disagreements over parenting methods, increased
stress levels, disruption of religious faith or practice, poor
communication, reduction of sexual and nonsexual intimacy,
restricted social activity, increased levels of resentment, and
increased frequencies of repining behaviors (4). Also, he identifies three
positive effects resulted from parenting a strong-willed child that
include “being forced to ‘be on the same page,’ being better parents
for the other children in the home, and strengthening of religious
faith” (4).
Ferrer
and Falcone (2002) and Sandra Bailey (2004), Ph.D. and a Family and
Human Development Specialist, stress that in order to effectively
manage strong-willed children, parents must understand the
age-appropriate expectations of children. They say that before
attributing and handling a strong-willed child’s misbehavior, it is
helpful that parents determine the reasons for that
misbehavior. They
subsequently indicate that factors that may cause a child to
misbehave include negative feelings from past experiences or
traumatic events, side effects of illness and medications, physical
or mental disability, adverse consequences derived from the mother’s
substance abuse during pregnancy, and basic needs not met. They also point out that as
children face different challenges at every stage of their growth,
parents can effectively guide them if they know the characteristics
of their stage of development.
Finally, Ferrer and Falcone (2002) elaborate the age-related
characteristics for children from 2 to 6 years.
For infants from birth to 12 months, [they]
require physical touch like cuddling, stroking, and rocking for
physical and emotional growth, communicate through crying, smiling,
cooing, and babbling, explore by putting objects in mouth, need
stimulation through touch, sounds, and textures, and soothe
themselves by sucking hands and fingers.
For
t
oddlers from 1 to 3 years old, [they]
like to explore and are very curious, seek independence, are
impatient, do not understand sharing, have a hard time expressing
their emotions and, therefore, have temper tantrums.
For
p
reschoolers from 3 to 5 years old,
[they] ask lots of questions, enjoy pretend games and have imaginary
friends, are learning to be more cooperative with other children,
have extreme mood changes, are proud of their ability to complete
more tasks on their own.
For s
chool-age
children from 6 to 12 years old, [they] begin to question
rules of parents, enjoy being with their friends, have an increased
interest in out-of-school activities, find it hard to deal with
criticism and failure, and may like to tease and criticize each
other (Ferrer and Falcone 2002).
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