Most child development experts
share similar techniques and principles except James Dobson, a child
psychologist turned evangelist and politician, and founder of the
Christian organization Focus on the Family. According to Eileen
Welsome (2006) of the Denver’s Magazine, in her article “And on the
Eighth Day, Dr. Dobson Created Himself”, she describes Dobson as
“the most influential Christian in America” who “lecture[s] millions of parents on how to spank their
children and advise[s] President George W. Bush on how to spank the
Supreme Court.”
As a child,
Welsome says, he was physically (shoes, belt, and once, a 16-pound
girdle) and mentally abused by his parents. As a licensed child
psychologist, he devotes all of his time to run his ministry which
brings in about $140 millions a year through a vast network of
radio, television, books, magazines, videos, audio recordings, and
websites that reach over 220 millions people worldwide, Welsome
reports. In regard to
other child development experts, he repudiates the American
Psychologist Association. In addition, his book
The New Strong-Willed Child sold more than two millions
copies (Dobson 2004).
It is this book that Dobson offers
advices to parents with strong-willed children.
Even though some of Dobson’s
techniques and principles are similar to other experts, most of his
advices are unconventional, controversial, and biased. Dobson agrees with most
experts that “willfulness is built into the nature of some kids”
(39). But he proceeds
to explain such willful temperaments are given by God and described
in the Scripture (45).
To parent the strong-willed child, he recommends parents to
“teach respect for authority while children are very young” (51),
“define the boundaries before they are enforced” (56), “distinguish
between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility” (57),
“reassure and teach after the confrontation is over” (58), “avoid
impossible demands”, and “let love be your guide” (59). He also encourages parents
to “shape the will” but “protect the spirit” of the strong-willed
child (65-76), be calm when coping with misbehaviors (77-91), and
apply discipline appropriately to different stages of the child
development (93-117).
In addition, he endorses the controversial use of corporal
punishment, i.e. spanking, on the strong-willed child
(119-138). This view is
contrary to the American Psychological Association, the American
Psychiatric Association, the American
Academy of
Pediatrics, and numerous experts who assert that spanking is
inappropriate and ineffective as it is a form of punishment that can
increase misbehaviors in children and be detrimental to the child
(qtd. in Holden 2001).
Throughout his book, Dobson (2004) often refers to the Bible
to explain some misbehavior, teach religion, or tell parents to seek
guidance from God.
All experts have unanimously agreed that
parenting a strong-willed child is a very difficult task for
parents. These experts
also agree that there is hopes as parents sagaciously seek out ways
to improve their parenting skills. The parenting methods given
by Forehand and Long and MacKenzie are clinical proven, and highly
recommended by leading experts across the world. Parents are strongly advised
to follow their approaches, but should apply the advices with
discretion as the directions are not absolute and each strong-willed
child is unique. On the
other hand, Dobson’s parenting methods are highly subjective and
apocryphal. As he no
longer clinically practices in the field of child development
psychology, it is clear that his teaching advices are simply for the
benefit of his own organization. Numerous parents, even
Christian parents, in various online forums denounce his
teaching. Those parents
who still wish to follow his teaching should be extremely careful
with his advices.
Perhaps parents should remember these words from an unknown
author when parenting the strong-willed child:
“A hundred years from now it will not
matter what sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or
the kind of car I drove, but the world may be different because I
was important in the life of a child” (qtd. in Forehand and Long
251).
